Glastonbury: "I am offered cocaine. I am offered ecstasy. But what I really want is a lethal injection."

AND SO, INEVITABLY, it has come to this. In a teeming beer tent near to the main Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Paddy is crouched over a filthy, mud-encrusted table, simultaneously puffing on a spliff and chopping out huge lines of cocaine with my bank card. His friend Mike and I are supposed to be on look-out duty, deflecting attention away from proceedings, but it hardly seems worth it. It is perfectly obvious what Paddy is doing, and even more obvious that there is nobody in this stinking, swampy, plastic glass-strewn "Beer Bedlam" who gives a toss.