Van Halen: Diver Down (Warner Bros.)

NOT ONLY IS this album an insult to the average consumer who will have to pay upwards of ten dollars for it, it is an exceptionally vicious kick in the teeth to Van Halen fans everywhere; fans who–by buying their albums, attending their concerts, and wearing their merchandise–have made David Lee Roth, Alex Van Halen, Eddie Van Halen and Michael Anthony millionaires. And because I paid hard-earned money for my copy of Diver Down, I have a personal stake in the matter: I have been burned by Van Halen, and I don't like it.