Is Patti a Patsy?
Ira Robbins, Trans-Oceanic Trouser Press, February 1976
HOLD ON to your seat belts, guys and gals, this one's been simmering for a long time. Things have become too ridiculous to stay shut up about. With the glamorization by the (aargh) straight press of Patti Money and Bruce Bucks, the hype machine has finally achieved its greatest success — not only can it sell mediocre records to anybody, now it can pre-package superstars. Are the Stones a little too old for this racket? Make Patti into the next Mick. Need a couple of Dylans? Take some bar singer doing 'fifties tunes with lotsa lyrics and sell him. Who cares what the names are, kid — BUY BUY BUY and you too can relive what your big sister lived way back in those funny old 'sixties. When did the Bay Ditty Haulers decide they were gonna become the Beatles? Who gave them permission to desecrate the memory of what some consider to be the greatest rock group of all time? The need to discover substitutes for aging geniuses seems to have obscured the medium tedium of this year's crop of semi-talented copycats.
Total word count of piece: 2110